brink

I feel like right now I’m just treading the line, in the aspect of living my life with God.

Some days I’m praying constantly to God, listening to Him and just doing what I think His will is, loving His people the way I think He wants me to. Some days not so much, some days I even have the audacity to feel/assume that I can live without God for that couple of hours.

I forget that God’s the reason for my existence at all.

It seems like I’m on the edge of something. I see the glory of God waiting for me to receive it. Somehow I’m peering over the edge, staring into that fullness of His majesty that’s to be revealed, eyes glistening like those of a kid staring through the glass display of a candy store.

 

I don’t quite know how to get there. I don’t know if it’s my time to fall over the edge. Am I to be nudged over the edge, or am I to jump off? I don’t know how to get there.

 

But till that time comes when the next step is revealed to me, I shall cry out:

You can have it all, Lord
Every part of my world
Take this life and breathe on
This heart that is now YoursOh the joy I’ve found
Surrendering my crowns
At the feet of the King
Who surrendered everything

Oh the peace that comes
When I’m broken and undone
By Your unfailing grace
I can lift my voice and say

You can have it all, Lord
Every part of my world
Take this life and breathe on
This heart that is now Yours

There is no greater call
Than giving You my all
I lay it all down
I lay it all down

There is no greater love
No higher name above
I lay it all down
I lay it all down

You can have it all, Lord
Every part of my world
Take this life and breathe on
This heart that is now Yours

-Have It All (Bethel Music)

Father. Abba Father. I need to need You more than ever before. I know that I’m only on the edge of that fullness of the Spirit You have intended for me to receive, so Father I’m crying out with all my heart ‘more Lord, more!’

This much, O Lord, I want You. Ignite my heart with Your passion once again. I’m pressing on with Your faith to receive that greater measure which You have promised unto Your sons and daughters.

May the name of the Lord be praised forever. I love You Lord, Abba. My Father and my friend. 

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.

Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.

For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Psalm 100
A psalm of giving thanks
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“Don’t be so naive.”

“Don’t be so naive.”

may these words bring glory to my one and only true King.

 

Finally back on this space, after a long while.

Honestly, I’ve been putting off writing another post because I’ve been afraid of not being able to meet possible expectations after the compliments I’ve received from the numerous random friends who’ve visited my thought space.

 

But ~whatever~.

 

Today’s topic goes back to a revelation given by God a few months back.

 

I was out for a run in the evening, and somehow I found myself telling God to just lead me wherever.

“Anywhere Lord, tell me where to run and I will run!”

Alright, run through that path where the lights are dim.

First reply that came to mind: oh sh*t.

 

I don’t think I’ve told most of my friends about this, but one of the fears I had, or rather the only fear I held on to since God set me free in His love, was the fear of the evil in mankind’s hearts. Yes, it sounds strange, but somehow I’ve always feared the possible evil that could come out through man’s actions. The many news articles and tv shows about people killing, raping, torturing friends and strangers alike don’t help much either.

 

So you can only imagine the amount of regret that came up when I heard His reply.

Nonetheless, I decided to trust that voice, and down that deserted path I went, feet and heart pounding, mentally clinging to heavenly Papa for protection.

 

5 minutes down, I cleared the path, and God spoke to me in His soft, gentle voice.

Who hardened Pharaoh and his officials hearts’ so that my glory could be fully displayed to all of Israel?

I was reading Exodus at that time and knew fully about God’s hand in freeing His people from the Egyptians, so the answer was like duh, “You, God.”

Who softened your heart, and the hearts of the many around you, to receive my love?

“Obviously You, my God.”

 

So, why do you still doubt about my control over the hearts of man?

 

My mind was instantly blown. Repentance for my doubt flooded in, but joy from that revelation came immediately after. My heart felt lighter than ever, that fear having been lifted. I continued my run with such freedom that I had this silly smile plastered across my face, the people around my neighbourhood must have thought me to be bonkers.

My Daddy God has all the control. He does. He fiercely loves, He protects, He is in charge. Over everything. Everything.

“for his dominion is an everlasting dominion, and his kingdom endures from generation to generation; all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, and he does according to his will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand or say to him, “What have you done?” – Daniel 4:35 ESV

Wide eyed, mystified, may we be just like a child. Staring at the beauty of our King. May we never lose our wonder.

 


 

Fast forward to this week, doubt has been slapping me like a wet fish(?). Point is, it’s real and it’s gross.

I’ve been struggling with the notion of being seen as naive in the way I trust God for His protection. I guess some part of it has to do with growing up with overprotective parents who’d always tell me not to trust others too much, to not be too “naive”. Not to put any blame on them though, it’s just the way they see the world.

We see so much going on, so much evil, injustice, bad news everywhere (Trump just trumped primary elections?!) It’s not hard to doubt, to lose sight of hope or to lack the faith in trusting for the impossible. Doubt seems inevitable. It almost seems like a social norm, to accept that things are bad simply because. We are surprised when we see glimpses of humanity. We somehow cling on to the prospect of ill news to stay guarded with our expectations of impending doom. Protected, safe. Always knowing, always guessing, so that we won’t be thrown off guard when things go sour, when others let us down.

I’ve been floating back and forth between trusting God completely in His control over the hearts of all man and living beings, and trusting in my carnal self-protecting nature, doubting the intents of the people around me, shying away from things that have even the slightest possibility of causing harm to me. It’s almost like I’m trying to decide whether or not to bubble wrap myself and let myself waste away in that safety, or to throw off that bubble wrap and be used for the purpose to which I’ve been created.

this-pug-in-bubble-wrap-will-alter-your-universe-1-32608-1380919530-28_big.jpg

Like this pug. He’s safe from things that may be thrown at him, yes, but now he can’t live out the fullness of being a pug.

And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be safe, to protect ourselves. But there is one who cares for us way more than we ever could for ourselves, who can protect us better than any preventive measure we can ever set in place in our own lives. The best part is, He has control over everything! I’ll say it again, everything. 

“Put your ear to the earth—learn the basics.
    Listen—the fish in the ocean will tell you their stories.
Isn’t it clear that they all know and agree
    that God is sovereign, that he holds all things in his hand—
Every living soul, yes,
    every breathing creature?
Isn’t this all just common sense,
    as common as the sense of taste?” – John 12:10-12

I’m not saying that we now get to run headlong into reckless decisions or be careless with the way we live because we are protected by Him.

What I’m saying is that this trust that’s placed in Him will give us the freedom to explore areas that might scare us. We have the confidence to enter into places beyond our comfort zone, to be vulnerable enough to love the people around us deeply, to make mistakes. We have the freedom and confidence to go on adventures for Him, with Him, to bring His perfect love into places where fear may currently reside. We get to do all these things in boldness, in the confidence that comes when we place our trust in God. We get to go beyond our fears.

C.S Lewis puts the illustration across perfectly –

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

Through our unwavering, uncircumstantial trust in His love, peace is also granted. Peace, not one that is based on the atmosphere of our surroundings, but peace that comes from knowing our almighty Father who loves us is in control. And when we rest in that trust, we are able to project that peace within us out to the situations around us.

“I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?” – Jeremiah 32:27 NIV

/closing thoughts: I wonder if the disciples thought Jesus to be naive to be sleeping in the middle of the raging storm.

God, I don’t care if i seem naive anymore.

I just want to trust you completely, not blindly, but I now submit every aspect of my life into your truth.

Let me see this earth, this life through your eyes. Help me to see the beauty of eternity that you have set in the hearts of your people.

I pray to be equipped with a greater measure of faith, to believe in the seemingly impossible and to trust not in the things that are set right before me. I choose to fix my eyes on Jesus.

You are unwavering in your love for me. I will trust in you to call forth light from darkness.

New Beginnings (cheers!)

So.

 

I’ve decided to start a wordpress, simply to begin a platform to recollect life events and flood pages with my travel pictures and stories (because who uses Vsco explore anymore? Sadly, the answer to that is – barely anyone).

Right now I’m still in the process of refining and editing the 2,000 some photos taken from my Europe trip, but i promise that I’ll try to upload them in a jiffy. And “in a jiffy” highly likely means, when I’m done with all of Jamie Oliver’s FoodTube videos.

Speaking of which, I would very much like to begin cooking again (is that a silently deafening cheer I hear from my pool of friends aye?) So this site would very much also be for me to upload recipes that I’ve been in inspired by, accompanied by successes and failures in recreating those delicious, mouth watering videos I’ve been watching.

 

Stay tuned, empty wordpress universe.

May some wandering eyes catch this post soon enough.